What is Pre-Bereavement Coaching?
When my partner was diagnosed with terminal cancer he said it felt like he had been hit by a train.
We both went into new roles. I reinvented myself as a carer and advocate for him. He became a patient, a person living with cancer, undergoing radiotherapy, surgery and chemotherapy. I attended all consultant appointments with him knowing that the information he was given he would not be able to take in and process alone.
As a therapist I was very aware that I needed to spend some time on making sure my psyche was cared for and listened to. As part of my own therapy required when training as a therapist I was attending a psychodrama group. I was able to play out events that would happen after he had died. I became very prepared for the loss that was going to take place. I trained in care of the body after death, I trained as a soul advocate. I was empowered. We lived with cancer for a couple of years. I faced his death head on, square. I knew where he was going to be when he had died. I knew what he wanted when he died. I was able to cope.
Following his death I spent several years unravelling experiences over not just my relationship with him, but also from years before.
I felt that the mental and emotional preparation I did before my partner died had a massive impact on how I was able to cope when he died.
As a therapist I have focussed on pre-bereavement coaching – it’s a bit like a stitch in time saves nine. You don’t want to say ‘I wish I’d known that’ about something to do with death.Much better to be prepared and able to face loss with equanimity, not numbness and confusion, and that’s something we all want, isn’t it?
